Fear Part III

I really connected with Michelle Vaughn’s fear assignment. She talked about body image and its impacts on her life and how its a hurdle for people. I totally agree with this. I too am not a small person. Over the last few years I have began to accept it. That right there is actually the scary part for me. I lose and gain back the same 45 lbs yearly. It scares me that gaining it back doesnt bother me like it used to. But, this is who I am.

I think society is starting to take a change in how they see people like me. Especially, in the fashion indusrty. I know size 0’s will always be the desire and what we should like of as the norm, but my money is just as good as the next.

When I see people judging others, I feel really sorry for them. They must be super insecure and lead patheic lived. That won’t change. This is who I am.

 

Thanks for a great class!

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Fear – Part Deux

For my fear assignment, I decided to talk about how I am dealing with a crippling amount of debt. I had a rough start to my 20’s. It was my fault, no one to blame but myself. Everyone always tell me that I am lucky no one was killed when I collided with a lady in Greenwood, Indiana on September 25, 2010. This led to lawsuits, a pause in schooling, and taking jobs I HATEEEEEEEE to keep up with the bills.

Up until 30 seconds before it was my turn to present, I was contemplating making something else up. I hate talking about this. I get horrible anxiety. I get dizzy, cold sweats, and my ears ring. So when I started presenting, I thought I was going to pass out. But i didn’t. I started to tear up, but I stopped it.

When I was talking about it, and I looked around the room, I saw looks of pity and relief. I wasn’t expecting that at all. I was expecting no sympthy. Through class discussion, I came to the conclusion that this problem is not real. It is real in the sense that it will follow me forever and that I won’t be able to tap my heels and make it go away. But I am healthy, and I am still ‘living’. You hear about these stories ot sick kids, or dying spouses, or countries being blown the F up, and all of a sudden I feel so shallow. #firstworldproblems….

I saw and heard this from other people in the class too. This is my biggest fear, and it seems so small. It dawned on me the night after presenting. I don’t want a pity party. I want people to realize that these problems are small and we shouldn’t put all of our focus on money. I am 26 years old and I feel like I have wasted the last few years of my life trying to fx this. I can’t fix this in a day, so I should chill out and just do my best.